Exit "Real" director from the "Real" world

I hate to gloat but I have learnt the power of a self fulfilling prophesy.
After all my sermonising on the merits of a new director, I discovered from Shernaz I had a veteran to direct my new play. After some struggle a meeting was set up in Mumbai between the establishment director and a perpetually struggling playwright.
I was in Mumbai on work early this week and left on a sunday evening to make sure that I met my director whose number Shernaz said she can share with me only after "checking" with him. I guess after the mandatory customs check, the great man himself deigned to message me inviting me to "his village." I asked Ramu whether we can meet for dinner that evening and he sounded almost enthusiastic. " Bring any thing else you may have scribbled," Ramu instructed.
" And you would have to read out the script to me. I want to hear your voice." I gulped nervously.
So I reach Mumbai with stars in my eyes. All set for a "real" collaboration with a "real" director. I called him as soon as I checked into the hotel and the game started unfolding.
"Shernaz told me you are coming tomorrow."
" I see. But Shernaz had nothing to do with the messages we exchanged some three hours ago."
"What messages?"
This is playing out like a script, I thought.
Anyway, we agreed to meet the next day for dinner. In the meantime I had homework. So I stood in front of the mirror and practiced reading my script. I started to feel very nervous. I was not a patch on Shernaz, Trishala and Kunal who had read it last.
Next day some "minor emergency" cropped up for Ramu and he couldn't turn up again. By then I had learnt Ramu was responsible for the Prithvi festival and had started feeling almost guilty for making demands on his time. So I practiced in front of the mirror some more and felt even more dissatisfied.
The third night Ramu actually arrived although "a minor emergency had again cropped up." He was an hour late because Vijay Tendulkar had fallen ill "at the last moment" and Ramu had to tend to him. I felt even more humble and went into the bathroom and gargled with lukewarm water to clear my throat. I came out and sat expectantly waiting for his instructions to start reading. Ramu realized he had left my script at Vijay Tendulkar's house. I told him I had mine.
"First let me see anything else you have written earlier to this." I gingerly gave him my two published works hoping they would pass muster. Ramu inspected them sternly for the next ten minutes. He conceded he was a bit envious. I told him I was jealous because his play had travelled to Frankfurt. I hoped the niceties were over and asked Ramu whether we can discuss the play.
"First lets discuss other things and understand where your writing comes from," Ramu instructed sagely. So for the next one and a half hours we discussed.
Ramu talked. I listened and understood the following:
i) Vijay Tendulkar gives upma and chai to everyone who visits his house.
ii) Ramu has a major role to play in the Prithvi date allocations.
iii) Ramu hates the way Rage takes over the theatre scene for two weeks with the British Council and drowns out more deserving work during the Royal Court festival.
iv) Ramu hates the workshop types.
v) Ramu hates Atul Kumar and he has coined a name for him- "Dilli ki Billi."
vi) Ramu hates the audience he gets for his plays. One "idiot" asked him whether Mahadev Bhai was an adaptation of "Forrest Gump" and another "stupid lady" didn't know "such things had happened in Mumbai" after his cotton polyster play.
vii) In one of the Frankfurt book fairs, Habib Tanvir was treated badly even though he was 82 and was unwell.
Since Ramu talks slowly with long pauses, all this took one and a half hours. My body was threatening to pack up because it was close to midnight and I had put in a rare gruelling ten hour work day. I mentally calculated if I started reading it would atleast take an hour and a half. I asked Ramu whether we can discuss the play.
Ramu took out a small notebook and started to share some feedback. Except he told me the feedback was from the two actors he had nine readings with. One of them was Amjad Khan's "very beautiful daughter." I asked him about his take and he muttered "same, same." Anyway I told him I am willing to do some further work on the script with his team. Ramu donned an empathetic avtaar and told me how "these people like Shernaz" never understood writers are not like actors and they can't "improvise." I told him I had nothing against rewrites so long as it improved the work. Ramu nodded his head disbelievingly.
Next Ramu wanted to know the history of the script. I told him I had written a first draft much before the workshop and never staged it because it didn't work and how I worked it from scratch in the second workshop. "Mail me that one. I am sure it was much better before these bastards had a go at it," Ramu commanded airily and got up to leave. At the door he turned and asked "how desperate are you to have this one staged? I hope you know when Shernaz gave me this script a couple of weeks ago, she pleaded with me saying all other scripts except this one has found a director." This was bizzare. And I decided not to take the bait. I told him that's very likely because all the eleven other playwrights were far more talented than me. Ramu suddenly discovered guilt and told me not to tell Shernaz as she had told this to him "in confidence."

I walked Ramu to his car and he told me he would consider directing my pre workshop draft. I nodded bleary eyed. His parting shot was- 'you are suave, urbane and witty. What are you doing in theatre?" I waved.
Next morning I called a somewhat disbelieving Shernaz. She finally conceded that he should commit although she thought he had started rehearsing.
By afternoon I had a message from Shernaz saying Ramu is out. Trust her to be gracious with an apology and an assurance that she would find me a director, even though none of this is her fault. I emphathized. Ramu must have subjected her to a discussion also. We exchanged funny messages to get over a shared tauma! :-)
I am currently without a director and happy to be so. :-))
p.s. This morning I had a message from Ramu. It reads- "I'm in Pune. See Saar, I'm following in your charan. Ek din hum bhi published playwright ho jayenge. Inshaallah!

Right Ramu! Inshallah!!